Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
