I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
