The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
