I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize