What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
