STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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