then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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