She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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