What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
