Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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