Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize