Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
