SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
