Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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