Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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