Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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