Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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