is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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