how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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