It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
