dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
