is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
