is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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