i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
