i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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