Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
