We're like a lot better than the average bears
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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