I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
