God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
