What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
