You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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