You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
