so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
