Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize