K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize