By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
