Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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