We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
