his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
