Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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