Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
