good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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