This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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