hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
