Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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