going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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