She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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