So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
