he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
