"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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