dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize