Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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