I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
