yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
