no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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