dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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