i think my tv is drunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
