I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
