Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
