Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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