some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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