K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
