fuck your aforementioned shoe
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
