My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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