I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
