does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize