my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
