It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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