why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's always time for handjobs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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