first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize