butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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