Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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