I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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