one two three fourrrrnication!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
