You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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