i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
