I feel like abortions should bother me more
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize