There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
