She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have post one night stand depression
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
