my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
