Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
