I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
